Mass Search

Mass Search

     It was early in the morning, before 6, and suddenly, I heard the guard unrack the doors. This wasn't the usual unrack, where it allowed you to open or close your own cell, this was the override unrack, forcing everyone's doors open, whether they wanted them open or not. It brought back violent memories from the SHU, when guards would unrack doors so guys could fight for their amusement, or rush into someone's cell to rape them, again, for the amusement of the guards. My heart immediately began to beat faster, because I knew that something was up. I just didn't know what. A moment later, the guard's screaming confirmed my suspicions. "Get your asses up," he shouted. "We've got a gas leak! Everybody out of the fucking building, now!"

     I could hear him coming down the tier, stopping at each door to bang his nightstick on it, whether they were already moving or not. "What the fuck! I told you to get the fuck out, Dumbass! There's a fucking gas leak!"

     In less then 2 minutes, he had everybody out of the building. A few minutes after that, he was going into each cell, shutting windows. In hindsight, that should have been a dead giveaway, but this was new to all of us, so none of had put two and two together. All I could do was walk around, internally squeezing my asscheeks together in an attempt to keep from exploding. You see, I'm as regular as clockwork. Every morning at precisely this time, I'd drop my pants, sit on the toilet and feed the Warden, a polite way of saying I had to take a shit.

     Now, you might be asking yourself why I didn't just use the bathroom, and it's a legitimate question. After all, there's a toilet outside for anyone to use, but if you've ever seen a prison bathroom, you'd understand. They make gas stations look spotless, and being the only toilet on the yard for 1,200 people, this one wasn't just filthy, it was horrendous. Not only that, it was practically in the middle of the yard, where everybody could see you doing your business, and if that wasn't bad enough, they refused to stock it with toilet paper. Long story short, there was no way in Hell I was going to crap on a filthy pot in front of God and everyone, let alone get up without wiping my ass. Not. Gonna. Happen.

     So there I am, in extreme discomfort bordering on pain trying in vain to keep a missile in the tube. An hour or so later, I hear an officer get on the intercom and start shouting at everyone. At the same time, every single prison guard and staff member come running onto the yard, screaming and yelling at us. They're all holding their batons in one hand and cans of pepper spray in the other. Suddenly, the gate separating the yard from the Central Plaza opened up, and a bunch of additional guards, in full riot gear, rushed onto the yard. All the guards were screaming and yelling, "get down, get the fuck down! On your stomachs, just like you like it! Facedown, you little bitch!"

     I looked around, trying to figure out what I'd missed, but I could see nothing. Nobody was fighting and everyone looked just as confused as me. We lay there for an hour. Everytime we tried to speak to one another, or ask a question, we were told to "shut the fuck up! You're a God damned inmate, you don't need to know shit!"

     I needed to use the bathroom, bad, but this clearly wasnt going to happen. They wouldn't even let guys take a leak, they certainly weren't going to let me feed the Warden. After an hour or so, I noticed a commotion at the gate. There was about a dozen police officers from various agencies, none of which appeared to be CDCR, and each had a canine with him. Drug sniffing, cell phone sniffing lackies intent on pleasing their owners in the hopes of licking their boots.

     As the dogs came traipsing across the yard with their Masters, I could feel my missile preparing to launch. The pressure from laying facedown wasn't helping any, and as the dog passed by me, he stopped to sniff me for a moment, then squatted right next to me and took a shit. And we're not talking about a lot, either, we're talking about a steaming  pile of liquid crap. The fucked had diarrhea and he'd decided to let loose right next to me.

     For the next hour, we lay there as the dogs went through our cells. During that time, they still refused to allow us to use the bathroom. Finally, one of the guys couldn't handle it anymore. He turned over onto his side, whipped it out and started pissing into the grass. The female standing by him was highly offended, so she sprayed him with pepper spray, fully in the crotch. As she stood there emptying her can all over his groin, other officers ran up and joined in the fray. By the time they'd finished, he was a strange orange color from the spray, and damn bear the entire yard was choking from the fumes. As soon as they took him away, with his pants down around his ankles, they started allowing us to use the bathroom, yet I wisely chose to hold it.

     Another hour passed, and they finally started calling individuals to teturn to their cells. Before going back into the building, however, we first had to strip asshole naked in front of the entire yard and let them search us for contraband. "Lift your sack, bend over and spread your cheeks, wider, wider, you you little faggot! You act like you never spread your cheeks before, you fucking fruit! Yeah, you little bitch, just like that. Why you staring at my nightstick? Cause it's black? I bet you like nigger dicks, don't you, you little fuck!" After awhile, their insults began to run together into one, long rant. I was just happy to get to my cell, and the first thing I did when closing my door was feed the Warden.

     By the way, in case you were wondering, I learned later that the buildings didn't have gas. Hindsight...